If all is fair in Love and War
by Peacetoearthbeyond
Summary: This comes right after Gatways DS9 and before the final gateways novel... Kira was severly injered, Ro Lauren has a secret that she's been to afraid and/or ashamed to share since a few weeks after her fathers death.
1. Chapter 1

CH1 "Colonel," Nog gasped, as Colonel Kira Nerys' incapacitated figure appeared at his feet, he couldn't tell whether he was more shocked by her sudden appearance or her condition. She was unconscious and her skin was blistered and covered in sweat. His gasp got Ezri Dax's attention on Kira as well. Because Dax was much older and more experienced was surprised not incapacitated with shock like Nog at the sight of her colleague. She immediately commended an emergency medical transport before she let herself feel any other emotion about the situation. "What the hell?" Nog muttered. The command center of Deep Space Nine was silent for a moment as her officers let the shock of seeing their commander appear out nowhere unconscious and severely injured. "Dax to sick bay." "Dr. Bashir here." "How is Colonel Kira?" In sick bay Dr. Julian Bashir took out his tricorder and scanned her before he tried to answer the question. "She's suffering from advanced stage theta radiation poisoning, she's not breathing, her pulse is very weak and she already has an arithrazine overdose. She's also suffering from I sever dehydration, and her body temperature is nearly five degrees (C) above normal. I can try to treat her with hyronalin, and the rest is relatively easy but I have to tell you the chances aren't good. If she survives it will be days before she is released from the infirmary and longer than that before you'll see her at ops." He was to speak to Dax without letting his concentration slip much from Kira, the work of his genetic enhancements no doubt. "Do every thing you can and some. From what you just told me I should be glad as long as the next time I see her isn't her funeral. Dax out." "Doctor," one of the refuges called, the mother of the patient he had been attending to before Kira arrived. "Nurse Dina, will you attend to these people while I treat the Colonel." He turned to them for a second, not wanting to think of anything but his task at hand. "Of course." His nurse answered. "Doctor." The woman said again. He guessed she was going to insist that she needed his skills but that didn't matter, Kira needed him now, these people would live without him, Kira wouldn't. "This woman saved your life and that of all the others on your planet, the lest you can do to help save hers in show a little patience." Security chief Ro entered the infirmary; she had intended to ask Dr. Bashir about a cut on her forehead that had been bothering her since she got back to DS9 from her last mission. After seeing the line outside she had decided it could wait. "Need any help?" she asked Dr. Bashir. "Yes, can you get these people out of here? This is the absolute worst way to run a medical establishment. Tell them to make a list of who they are, what their problem is and where their quarters are and send a nurse to see each of them; unless their condition is immediately life threatening, in which case they're welcome here. It would be best for every one if Kira is the next person I talk to." He hadn't looked at her yet in the conversation because he had been too busy helping Kira but he gave himself a second to look up at her face after he said that. "Ro, that cut looks nasty, have someone look at it, will you?" "Fine, I'll do it later. How's Kira? There is a lot I need to tell her." "Her condition is critical to say the least. I really need to concentrate." "Alright." She looked at his face and saw how tense and worried he was, she wasn't the most social person but she felt compelled to say some thing. "And Bashir, she's going to be fine." he smiled at her reassurance, and she thought he mouthed the word 'thank-you' but wasn't sure she was right. She started evacuating people without any more small talk, and the doctor refocused all his attention on Kira. * * * "Kira?" Julian said softly, she should be waking up now he thought. She opened her eyes a bit, "Kira?" He asked again. "Julian?" She said coughing, he gave a medication to help her breath easier. "By the Prophets how did I..." her voice was weak and scratchy yet all her words were clear. "I'll answer that in a minute, first would you like some water?" She nodded and he handed her a glass, after how dehydrated she'd been it was no surprise that she felt thirsty, he had given her a hydration solution through the hypospray but water still was best. "Shar and Dax's theory seems to be that you stepped though a portal which led you inside the wormhole, and the Prophets or aliens which inhabit it transported you from there to Ops on the station. That's where we found you." "Europa Nova?" "All the colonist are safely on Bajor or Deep Space Nine. The evacuation was completed successfully." "Taran'atar?" "He's over there. I treated his injuries, he'll be fine. He should be regaining consciousness any time now." "How long was I out?" "About six hours, just long enough for me to stabilize you." "When can I get back to Ops?" "Seventy-two hours, but you're out of sickbay in thirty-six." "Julian, tell me you're not serious." "Oh I am." "You don't seriously think I'm going to sit in sickbay for a day and half." "That's negotiable, we'll see how you're doing in about twenty hours, but you're not on active duty for seventy-two hours. Look on the bright side, I'm sure you have tons of paperwork to catch up on once I let you out of sickbay, and there is no current crisis that requires your attention at ops." "You know how quickly that can change. They took care of the gateway phenomena or whatever they're calling it now?" "With the help of Shar and Nog, Starfleet Command found a way to counter them." "Good. Did Ro and Quark get back alive?" "Yes. She stopped in earlier. She wants to see you." Dr. Bashir said, "How are you feeling." "My head hurts like hell, I'm dizzy and the rest of me feels distant, like a half sensation." "I already gave you medication for shock and a powerful pain reliever; that could be why you don't have full sensation. " Then she asked, "Can I go up to my quarters to clean my self up?" The last thing she remembered, she was on another planet completely drenched in sweat. She remembered sitting next to a lake filling the water bottles in the emergency survival kit and cutting her pants so that they where open to about half way up her thigh to keep cool. All her clothes where dirty from the grime of the alien ship. Her jacket had been tied around her waste now she had been wearing a tank top that was also soaked in sweat, and she was still wearing the same clothes now. All in all she was a mess. "Sure. Just check in with me in fifteen minuets. If you miss it I'll assume you're unconscious. When the pain reliever wear's off you'll feel extremely ill, I need to know immediately if you feel feverish, nauseous, dizzy, or have trouble breathing. You were on an oxygen infuser for nearly an hour before I could get you breathing on your own, and your body temperature was more than five degrees above normal I'm still monitoring that so if you feel feverish or suddenly hot or cold I need to know. Don't even try to exert your self physically, in fact it may be a good idea to beam there." * * * (20 min later) "Ro." The Colonel said. After she saw the other woman leave her office on her way back from her quarters. "Colonel. I thought the Doctor said you were stuck in the infirmary for at lest a day." The Colonel was wearing civilian clothes and she looked rather pail. "That's where I'm going now. Walk with me. Your plan worked? Or did you barely manage to get out alive?" "Both. Quark was quite cooperative." "Quark cooperative? That would be amusing." "I have a great deal of valuable current information on a good part of the Orion syndicate." "That's hard to come by. What did you do for it?" "I told you the plan. Quark was very helpful, he didn't have much trouble treating me like eye candy." That's half of why I hate him, Kira thought. "Eye candy that was scared a he s hell to get out of the sight of. If you don't mind my asking, why do you hate Quark?" "Because the first time I came to Deep Space Nine or Terok Nor as it was called then he told me that if I slept with him he'd buy me from Ducat. I gave him a small note before I left saying that one day he would pay for that remark." And I was starting to like him Ro thought. "But the fact I could pay him to give me an alibi and get me out of..." "Some time a Fernagy business man is exactly what one needs." "What do you have on the syndicate?" asked Kira. "More then Starfleet, the Tal Shiar, and every other major power in the alpha quadrant has managed to get." "How?" "I had the tailor sew a few grenades onto my dress. After I threw one into the middle of the room and it exploded, I took advantage of every ones disorientation, grabbed the pad and a gun from the ships captain. After we got back here I realized the pad has all his personal data, and lot more a data on the syndicate than even I expected." "If that's true, present it to Admiral Nechayav, she'll find it quite interesting." Ro scowled at the mention of Nechayav's name. They turned the corner and entered the infirmary where Taran'atar and the doctor both saw them. Dr. Bashir rolled his eyes at Kira for walking in with her security chief, after thinking about it though he realized there was nothing else he could have expected from the Colonel. "Colonel, you survived!" the Jem'Hadar exclaimed. "I was sure you were dead." "No Taran'atar, I lived." "Barely." The doctor added. "Kira you should lie down." Part of her wanted to yell at him for ordering her around. Another part of her knew she was too exhausted to argue with him over something so stupid, and that he was right anyway, so she climbed on the bed. "Dax to the infirmary." "Bashir here. What is it?" "Kira has a call on subspace from First Minister Shakaar, if she's well enough to take it." "Business or personal?" the doctor asked. "It was originally Business, but once I told him she was ill he said it was personal." "Kira?" Bashir asked her. "Tell Dax I'll take the call on the condition that he knows if he brings up that attainder I'm going to disconnect him." "That sounds reasonable." Dax answered. A few minutes later Shakaar's face appeared on the view screen. "Nerys, how are you doing?" "I'll be fine in day or so. Frankly this wasn't much of a price to pay for saving Europa Nova. If I had been killed my death would have been worth the thousands of lives saved." At first Ro Lauren couldn't figure out why Shakaar seemed so familiar to her. She thought all the Bajorans she had known, first in the Maquis, there hadn't been many in Starfleet the last time she was in it, that left the people she had known on Bajor as a girl. She suddenly knew whom she was speaking to, but that couldn't be right. The last time she saw him he had plans to blow himself up next to a Cardassian compound, killing himself but taking some of them with him as well. "Edon?" "Lauren?" "You didn't go through with your plan?" "With what plan? I don't remember." "Your plan to blow up the compound." "That? A friend talked me out of it, explained that there were more effective and less dangerous ways to blow things up." "What about you? The last I heard of you killed your self only days after the Cardies released you." Kira hadn't heard the first minister use the derogatory slang term for Cardassians in a long while, and after what just happened to their planet it just didn't seem appropriate. What ever they had done to Ro Lauren it had been bad enough that he was still sickened by it even now. "I had my phaser pointed at my head, but a friend of my father's explained to me that as a Bajoran agnostic I had plenty of people who wanted me dead without having myself on the list. She said my father wouldn't want it. I listened to her, and then the Cardassians put me in another camp on the other side of the planet. I'll tell you the rest the story later." "Where have you been all these years? You were in the resistance right?" "No. I've been in both Starfleet and the Maquis though." "You got off Bajor." He said sounding pleased by that idea. "Yes. You first minister? When I saw you last you were quietest kid anyone ever met. If there were more than two other people in the room you'd barely talk at all. A politician?" "Do you know of Kai Winn?" "Of course I know of the woman." Ro said with obvious disdain in her voice. "She was the other candidate for the first mister's seat. Let me say no more." "Oh. I take it you didn't have much of choice. We have a lot of caching up to do. I'll let you and Kira talk first." She said and left, giving them Kira and Shakaar some semblance of privacy. "Nerys, there is some thing you need to know; she's your cousin. Your mothers sisters daughter." "Wait a minuet, how do you know any of this?" "When we where both vary young our parents knew each other. I barely remember her mother; she used to help my father run our resistance cell when I was very young. After she died a lot of things fell apart slowly. Before the cell was destroyed, the two of us were often left alone together while the rest of the adults in the group went of raids or other missions. She's three years younger than I am, at first I used to baby sit her a lot, and trust me Nerys that's not a job you want." I was just starting to figure that out she thought to herself. "Around the time she turned six I quit doing that, we were just together a lot. She was as close as a sister to me, or at lest she was one of the closest friends I ever I had. When I was ten, and she was seven something terrible happened. The adults didn't come back when they where supposed to. We waited a day, and then Lauren decided we had to go after them. I told her to wait, that it was suicide, but she didn't listen to me. She never listened to me. So she left and went after them on her own. She was caught, and I thank the Prophets I don't know what happened to her after that." "Why didn't you tell me before?" "It was a subject I'd rather avoid." "I never knew my mother had a sister." "It's complicated. I didn't know how to tell you, and I thought she was dead and Lauren had killed herself." "After she left you never saw her again until now?" "No. I saw once, right after word. I looked into her eyes and saw the pure agony she was in. It was that day I realized how much I hate the Cardassians. What they did to her..." "Edon, she's all right now, there's no need to be so upset." "No, look in her eyes Nerys, you'll see the same thing I did so many years ago. She use to be so optimistic and cheerful despite the times, and now..." "At least she got off Bajor. And I was wondering; was she ever religious?" "No. Neither was her father." "Why weren't they?" "I don't know, and frankly it's not my business anyhow. But I'll tell you this if you're going to pity her don't pity her for that." "Why?" "How would you feel if I pitied you because you're a woman?" "I'd rip off your head." "That's how you make Lauren feel if you pity her because she's not religious." "Point taken." Kira said, Shakaar had done a good job explaining, before she hadn't been able to grasp why it bothered Ro so much, now she understood. "Speaking of religion, if you don't mind my asking, why did you do it?" "They killed Istani Reyla." "What? Istani Reyla?" Kira nodded. "I am so sorry, Nerys. I know what she meant to you." "She was like a mother to me." "I heard a vedek was killed, but not her. Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Shakaar asked. "You were being such an ass that I didn't see why my personal relationship with the victim was your concern." "I'm sorry, if I'd known..." "You would have found a gentler way to get your point across." "I would have understood. I've known you long enough to know that you couldn't sit by, watch Reyla killed and do nothing. I want you to know you have my deepest sympathy, but politically that doesn't change anything, you know that." "I wouldn't expect it to." She said. "Profits." "Edon, I'd really like to get some rest." "You don't look well, Nerys." I don't feel well either, she thought but didn't tell him. "You going to be OK?" "I'll be fine in a few days, don't worry about me, Edon. End transmission." The screen suddenly went black, and Kira turned to the doctor. "Now I'm nauseous." "After the amount of radiation you were exposed to that doesn't surprise me at all. Here, this will make you feel better." He said and gave her a hypospray. "You need to get some sleep." "As long as you promise to wake me if anything important comes up that can't wait." "Like?" "Rouge Jem'Hadar attack or any other immediate threat to the station." "Of course." He said because if they were in trouble I'd want her at ops whether or not she was ill he thought. And he knew that she would never be able to forgive herself if anything happened to the station while she was asleep, and if I don't wake her up she'll never forgive me either he thought. 


	2. Chapter 2

CH2 "This is Lieutenant Ro Lauren of Deep Space Nine Speaking Is Admiral Nechayav available?" Ro Lauren asked through the Starfleet priority channel. That had gotten her to speaking directly with one on Nechayav's staff. She wasn't turning this information over to just anyone. "She's busy right now. What is it?" "I have current information on the Orion syndicate that I think she may find of value. My commanding officer, Colonel Kira told me to her inform Admiral Nechayav." "The admiral is in a meeting right now. I'll inform her of your call as soon as possible and she'll get back to you. Is that acceptable?" "It's the most I expected." The screen went blank and Nechayav's com officer singed off. She leaned back in her chair, maybe this won't be so bad, she thought; seeing Edon again had made her realized that had been what she came back for. It was because she had to know what pieces of herself and her past she had left here that still existed. Because she had finally found the courage to look and see how much she had truly lost. Up to this point that she realized how terrified she had been of this place. She had been too afraid to feel any emotions about it at all. Now it was all coming back like a numb body part the feeling was suddenly returning to. She took a deep breath and picked up the pad to write her security report and she only written a few sentences when her com badge chirped. "Vedek Capril to security." "Ro here." "Lieutenant, I found something extremely disturbing that needs you attention immediately." Although Ro Lauren generally despised vedeks, this vedek's voice sounded frightened not confrontational. "What is it?" "The body of Sergeant Shul Torem. He's dead." One of her people, she realized. "Beam him directly to the infirmary." She listened to the vedek call for emergency medical transport. Then asked in a calmer voice "Where are you now?" "Right out side the temple." "Computer, locate the closet security personnel to the area." The computer as she told it, and she contacted the people "Secure the area, it is a priority one crime scene." She switched channels she was on with the vedek again. "A few of my people will be arriving immediately to secure the area, and I'm on my way. Tell them what you saw." Shul Torem was one of the few who accepted her despite the fact she didn't practice the same religion as most Bajorans. He was open minded, he hadn't rejected Kira after she was attainted either. She was just starting to get to like him and now this; and she had a strange felling that he had been killed for his open mindedness. Ro felt a sick feeling in the bottom of her stomach, that a man had been attacked because of her beliefs. If the person was willing to kill someone who was willing befriend her, would it be so unlikely that same person was trying to kill her? Or was Kira's life in danger as well? After she was attainted she may be a prime target for any religious zealot. A voice Ro hadn't heard for over twenty years popped into her head. 'As an agnostic Bajoran you have enough people willing to kill you, do you really need your self on the list?' The women had taken the gun she had pointed at her head out of her hand, and the young girl she was fell crying in the woman's arms. Although she didn't even know the woman's name she was had touched Lauren deeply. First of all she was right about her having enough enemies without including herself, and if even a stranger valued her life enough to save her from herself, it was not something to be thrown away. Stop it, as far as you know, this was over some gambling squabble. "Ro out." She said and left her office quickly heading for the scene. "Ro to the infirmary." "Yes Ro." Doctor Bashir's crisp voice came over the com system. "Is the Colonel awake?" "No, why?" "I think there is a bit of a situation developing." "Involving Shul Torem?" "Yes." "Do you need me to get her up?" "Not yet. I want to see how serious this is first. If anyone else is in danger I'll get her, otherwise it can wait." "That's reasonable. Bashir out." Ro assembled a security team to meet her at the seance of two Starfleet officers and a few of the least bias people she'd met in the Bajoran militia security force. Whether or not her gut was right about this any situation in front of the temple could be explosive, and she wanted her most rational people with her. * * * "Doctor, was that Ro?" "Yes Colonel, I thought you were asleep." "I was, your com badge woke me up." "Oh, Sorry." "Don't be. What's going on?" "She said there was a situation developing. I think it has something to with the emergency medical transport of Shul Torem." "His condition?" "His heart stopped beating do to lack of oxygen, but he is not brain dead yet, I think I can revive him." Kira jumped up. "I hope he recovers. I'm good to go right." "No, in fact I highly recommend you stay put. You still haven't recovered enough that it would be wise for you to push yourself at all. If you try to exert yourself physically in this condition you will probably end up here again half conscious. But I know you well enough to know there is not much I can do to stop you, and the few things I can think of you would probably court marital me for." "Kira to Lieutenant Ro. Report?" * * * "Did anyone see what happened?" Ro asked. Two civilians nodded, and went over to interview them. Meanwhile Vedek Capril noticed Kira looked like she'd been to hell and back, and still in civilian clothing, "Kira are you well?" she asked, although the answer seemed evident already. "I was injured while evacuating Europa Nova." "I want you to know, I disagree with what the vedek assembly did to you..." Kira closed her eyes and a whole another world appeared to her...  
  
There where three Bajoran children playing in a field with two Cardassian child and one half Bajoran and half Cardassian child. They where arguing of who got to play the parts in an ancient Bajoran fairy tale, one where the Emissary finds the Celestial temple in fact. "Can I be the Emissary?" One asked. "You where it last time. Let Dejora have a turn. You can be the temple." "How do you be a temple?" "You find a place to hide with the Prophets and then the Emissary and his assistant find you." "OK. Who wants to be Prophets?" Kira remembered the place, it was Deakor, her home province. She had even played a similar game when she was very young. "This isn't right." She said to herself. She fought almost twenty years of her life to get the Cardassians away from this place. They weren't soppiest to be here again. "No, this is more right then you ever imagined. Look, here come their parents." It was Shakaar's voice, but she knew he wasn't there. This must be a vision she realized. I'm speaking the Prophets. A Bajoran woman and a Cardassian man walked up holding hands, another Bajoran woman was with them, obviously a friend of the couple. The three where talking and laughing, when the reached children the woman called her child's name, and the kid came up to her. "We have to go honey." "Come on mom, we just started having fun." "Ten minutes?" The Cardassian man said sounding more like a child then an adult. "I really have got to get going. You Cardassians are far to soft." The woman said. Kira gasped, Cardassian - Soft, to words rarely in the same paragraph, let alone the same sentence. "We can take him," the other woman offered. "Honey do want to go to Dejora's house?" The woman asked the child. "Can I?" He said sounding excited by the idea, his mother nodded, and he jumped happily back to the other children. "That would be great." She told her friend. "Can you do dinner to?" "Of course." "I'll pick him up at seven-thirty." "That sounds good." The other woman answered and first woman left. Kira was shocked by what she had just seen. No sane Bajoran she knew would leave her child with a Cardassian by choice even for a second. This was clearly a different Bajor. "Now let us see the capital city." Prophet using Istina's form said and the world around her changed, she was still on Bajor, but no long in the hills of Deakor, in stead she stood at the feet of great building. She looked up and inscribed in stone on the top of the building were the words 'House of Law and Contemplation'. She turned to look the other side of the road, and saw a great Bajoran temple, so magnificent and brilliantly beautiful it nearly made Kira nearly fall to tears. A half Cardassian girl and a Bajoran boy walked down the road together. Talking, laughing, without feeling odd or out of place. "What is this place?" Kira asked. "Can't you see? It is the capital city of The First Republic of Bajor." Said another Prophet using Jadzia Dax's form . "When?" Kira asked astonished. "Five hundred years ago." Jadzia again. "How?" She asked a question she knew no mortal could answer, but she was not speaking to a mortal. The Prophets knew all. "Bajor and Cardassia need each other, compared to Bajor, Cardassia is a barren planet although their people tend to be scientifically minded. They needed the resources of Bajor, and agreed with the Bajoran government to share all the scientific developments of Cardassia in return for the right to share Bajor's resources." Istina told her. "What kept them from exploiting us?" "The Bajoran government had laws my dear. Any Cardassian found breaking them would be arrested and dealt with by the Bajoran authorities "The Bajorans tended to be more of a sensual people; the Cardassians respected and adored them for this. They adored Bajoran music, Bajoran art, and some even Bajoran religion. At one time the Cardassians even elected a Bajoran woman to lead the government of Cardassia. Read this it will help explain." Shakaar "What is it?" "The Treaty of Bajor and Cardassia. Signed seven hundred years before your time." "I thought that Bajor made first contact with Cardassia eight hundred years ago." "It took a hundred years for them the build enough trust to sign such a treaty. Read it." She read the first few lines aloud, and within what seemed to be only a few minuets she thought she had read the document in it's entirety. It said both governments were responsible for protecting the rights of both peoples. It said all Cardassian and Bajoran citizens would be allowed to move freely between the two worlds without interference by either government. To move permanently you need a permit singed by each government; once you had such a permit no law or institution could discriminate against you because of you planet of origin. If a crime was committed on one world the authorities of that world authorities had to right to track the suspects and/or perpetrator anywhere in Cardassian / Bajoran space without interference from the other authorities. But anyone involved in an interplanetary case could request the intervention of the other government then and only then did they have the right to intervene to insure justice. "Whatever happened? Why did we go to war?" She asked her Gods. "The vedek assembly grew to powerful, they overthrow the secular Bajoran government, and decided to cleanse all things of 'heresy'. No longer were you allowed to present evidence at trials, all the faithful were broken up into casts, and the rest were killed. Cardassia said Bajor had broken the fair trial's provision, and they ordered all Cardassians off Bajor for their own safety. Tensions rose between the two worlds until it finally broke out into open conflict and war. Bajor wanted to cleanse Cardassia of heresy and the Cardassians felt the treaty obligated them to protect the rights of those on Bajor. Both worlds lost a great deal in that war. Bajor killed millions of it's own people and all the Cardassians living on Bajor at the time. Although Cardassia managed to defend it's self a great number of Cardassians were killed in the war, their economy was completely destroyed, and without Bajor they had no decent way to recover it. A new government took over on Cardassia. Central Command and the Obsidian order were established, and they destroyed all most al the evidence of Cardassians previous alliance with Bajor, saying Cardassians were the only type of being worth respecting. Bajor had destroyed all most all evidence of its alliance with Cardassia in its quest to destroy heresy. And you know the story from there." Kira was shocked; she had always believed Bajor had been a completely innocent victim of the Cardassians brutality, not partially responsible for it. "Cardassia builds and empire, and annex's Bajor." She said. "But your fate's are intertwined; what you do to each other, you do to your selves." Istina's voice again. "Why couldn't I just have been born on earth?" She muttered to herself. Then Ben Sisko, the emissary appeared to her. "Do you think earth never went through this, Nerys? We learned these lessons in blood and pain just as you have. For example my people, the ones with dark skin where once enslaved and treated at lest as badly as the Bajorans during the occupation, if not worse, and for much longer then fifty years. That's not the only incident of its kind on my world. At one point not that much later a mad man took over a country, and said that anyone from any other place was not worth keeping alive. They went to war with the world massacred and tortured millions of civilians. The war was ended when another country discovered the thermonuclear bomb. For many years this is has in many ways the definition of the word genocide. Half a century later a group of religious fundamentalists hijacked a few civilian aircraft and flew them into to civilian targets killing over three thousand people." "Themselves included?" "Yes, they thought they'd go straight to heaven." "Why?" "The reasons are complex, and insufficient, mostly religion. Ask Commander Vaughan to help you brush up on pre-contact earth history; it may be of some use to you. The reason earth is as you know it is so peaceful is because we already went through what you are going through now. The only difference is we did it alone, by fighting other humans, and we did it many years ago as you are doing it with Cardassia, now." "Yes, Emissary." She answered. The profit using Istaina's voice spoke to her again "Tell your people that once they understand this, they will be more than children in our eyes. For some lessons there is no other way; though it was hurt us to see our children in pain, we could not interfere for that would have hurt you more." "Nerys, please give Kasidy my regards, and tell her I love her now and always." Ben said. "I know this seems a bit out of place, Kasidy once told me to ask you but what is it exactly that you had against Vic's?" She didn't know why she was so compelled to ask, but her sudden curiosity got the best of her. "What would you say about a descendent of yours in a holographic recreation of a Cardassian night club on Bajor during the occupation?" "With all honesty I don't know, as long as they weren't fucking a holographic reaction of my mother." "They took out most references to the occupation. There are no Bajorans in the recreation." Kira shook her head, in a way that would be worse. "I am the descendent, and Vic's is that place, don't tell the others, I don't want them to feel guilty." "This can never end, for they will always have our blood on their hands. The pain of what happened during the occupation will be with us forever." Kira said. He nodded confirming what she had just told him.  
  
Then she opened her eyes; she was still standing right outside the temple, with Vedek Capril talking to her "...respect them and must accept their judgment, whether or not I agree." "What?" Kira asked, then she answered her own question. "You were talking about the vedek assembly." "Are you all right?" The vedek asked, I know "Tell me, is there any chance someone left the orb open?" "Yes, I'm fine. You know that no one would be so careless with something of such value." She paused and looked into Kira's eyes to find the reason for such a question, "Nerys, did you have a vision?" She asked Kira nodded. The vedek couldn't believe it, yet after she looked into Kira's eyes she couldn't deny it either; she had been touched. The vedek assembly was wrong. They didn't control the Prophets, they severed Them, and it was not Their will for Kira Nerys to be attained. "The vedek assembly couldn't be more wrong about you." "That is how this begun." Kira said, her voice was soft and it sounded almost as if she was talking about a dream. "What begin?" Ro asked curious. "Bajor started the war." "With the dominion?" Ro said sounding skeptical. "No, with Cardassia." "What?" Vedek Capril and Ro Lauren gasped at the same time. "Kira are you insane?" The vedek asked sounding seriously concerned about the Colonel's mental health. "Bajor broke the treaty first." "You saw what that 'Treaty' did to Bajor. If you can call it that, it was more like our unconditional surrender. You were in the resistance, you understand that better than anyone." "That's not what I'm talking about." Kira snapped, sounding more like her self, "I told you I'm not insane." Then Kira's voice returned to the softer dreamy tone she kept talking. "Long before that Bajor had a treaty with Cardassia, and for hundreds of years we were at peace. We broke it first. Two hundred years ago the vedek assembly overthrew the secular government of Bajor, and decided to cleanse it of heresy. They killed millions of Bajorans, and at lest as many Cardassians, and destroyed the evidence, as it was evidence of heresy. They established the cast system and killed all those who didn't conform." Ro Lauren looked aghast; Kira realized that on such a world she would have been one of the first killed. "Bajor had a treaty with Cardassia at the time. It said any Bajoran or Cardassian citizen on either world was entitled to certain rights, such as a fair trial, and had the right to worship as they pleased. It said that both governments were responsible for defending those rights of both peoples. Bajor broke the treaty first. The vedek assembly killed Cardassians and Bajorans for no reason other than that they didn't believe the Bajoran religion. This is what sparked the first war with Cardassia, a war we both lost badly. After this was when a new aggressive Cardassian government took over, they destroy all evidence of their previous alliance with us; we had done the same in our quest to destroyed heresy. That was the same Cardassian government that later annexed our planet. We all know what happened after that. Except what neither of us knew was that our fates have been intertwined, so that what we do to each other we do to ourselves." "A part me always thought that what's happing to Cardassia now is poetic justice for what they did to Bajor." Ro stated, expecting the Colonel to lecture her on how that was the wrong attitude. Kira didn't, in fact she nodded and Ro got the sense that at lest a part of her agreed. "Consider this, if Cardassia and a strong Bajor had been firmly allied, would it have happened at all?" Kira asked. "If it hadn't been for the occupation..." "The Prophets saw to it that Cardassia paid for what they did to Bajor." Vedek Capril stated. "No, this didn't happen so they could pay, it happened so we all could learn." Kira said. "The Prophets intended us to help them. Then and only then will this truly be over. Bajor started this, and Bajor shall end it. We should also come to see that one should never let religion replace our own sense of right and wrong. The Prophets love us, but they don't think of us as pets. They consider us children; they want us to think for ourselves, to learn from our mistakes. They want us to grow up, and to do this we must question our perception of ourselves and Them." "Are you accusing Vedek Yeivar of heresy?" Vedek Capril said. Ro Lauren started laughing out loud. In Ro's mind he was simply crazy, and if Bajor wanted him as Kai, then they all need their heads checked out. He used the word's heresy and heretic so often that about the only person on Bajor he hadn't accused of being a heretic was himself and his fellow fanatics. In fact he had gone so far as to attain Kira for distributing an ancient book to all the people of Bajor that spoke of the Prophets as Teachers not Gods. Ro Lauren heard something moving, before she could do anything about it a man jumped up and grabbed Kira. Kira jumped on his toes and shoved his arms off her. He tried to grab her again, she pushed him and if she had not been ill he would have fallen to the floor. Kira stared coughing he slapped her, she stumbled and fell. Having the space to act, Ro Lauren pulled her phaser from somewhere in her clothing and fired directly at the man's chest. He fell instantly leaving both him and Kira on the floor. "Vedek Capril, get me the nearest first aid kit." Ro ordered. Ro walked over to Kira and helped her into a sitting position. "Are you alright?" She asked. Kira nodded yes coughing, and Ro called Dr. Basher. "Kira try to calm down and take deep breaths." Ro said to her. "Where the heck did you get that?" Kira asked, referring to the phaser. "In the Maquis and when I was on my own if I didn't have a weapon I was in trouble. I guess I came to depend on it a little to much, so when I came here I wasn't quite ready to give it up." "Just tell me it was on stun." "Obviously. I didn't think I'd get that good of a shot, and I didn't want to take the chance of hitting you with it on anything higher. I am chief of security, if want to arm myself isn't that my choice?" Kira rolled her eyes, but she did have a point. She wasn't a civilian and Kira wasn't her babysitter. "Consider yourself under orders to keep it on stun unless I tell you otherwise for a specific situation." Ro nodded. "Lieutenant, the first aid kit." Vedek Capril said handing it to her. "Thanks." She said to the Vedek. "Doctor? You still there?" She said, remembering that she hadn't closed the channel. "Yes. Give her ten Cc's Tricenilean, and fifteen Cc's Bioxilin." Ro did as the doctor told her. She noticed immediately that Kira was breathing easier, and informed the doctor of this, who told her to bring Kira to see him and cut the channel. "Ro, you may not have the most charming personality but you're a damn good officer. Thanks for saving my butt and I am very impressed with all your work so far." "Thank you. That means a lot to me." It was the most meaningful compliment Ro had received in a long while. Colonel Kira wasn't lax with her praise, so she knew that what she said she meant. At first Ro had thought that she was a closed minded and judgmental jerk, but she had slowly come to realize that she was the one being overly judgmental, or at lest overly sensitive. In fact she had come to trust and deeply respect Colonel Kira. "Shaker told me something we need to talk about in private." "First lets get you to the infirmary." She said helping Kira up. "The man who attacked me is ether completely insane, or didn't grow up on Bajor." "What makes you say that?" "He had no idea what he was doing. If he had grown up on Bajor during the occupation he wouldn't have been so stupid; if I hadn't been injured already, I would have had him on the floor in minutes." "What happened exactly?" "He put his hand on my chest even thought it made it much easier for me to deal with him." "I can think of only one group that's so ignorant, the Orion syndicate." Kira turned and stared at her. "You promised me I wouldn't get dragged into that." "I don't know how they found..." Ro's com badge interrupted her. "Ops to Ro Lauren." "Yes." "You have a call on subspace from Admiral Nechayav." "Route it to my office, and tell her the Colonel was injured and I'm escorting her to the infirmary, so I might be a few minutes." "Understood. What happened to Kira?" Dax asked. Kira answered, "It's long story." "Alright. Dax out." 


	3. Chapter 3

CH3 Ro walked into her office, the light on her console was blinking, telling her someone was waiting, Admiral Nechayav, she knew. She didn't want to speak to her, the last time Ro saw the woman she had betrayed her. She didn't want to face that now; but she knew she had to so she took a deep breath, telling herself to get over it and hit the button to accept the call. "Ro Lauren of Deep Space Nine speaking." She said, the Admirals face appeared on the view screen. "You had something on the Orion Syndicate." "Yes. I'm transmitting it to you now." She said and took out the pad. "Ro, I just wanted you to know..." Nechvac said. "I often regret decisions I've made but rarely show it, for the most part it does little good. When I sent you to infiltrate the Marquis I thought your history with the Cardassians would be convincing cover. I never stopped to think about why, I didn't think about you and it was my error for putting you in that position as much as the error was yours. After what you'd been through; it wasn't fair for me to assume or expect that of you. You deserved some compassion and respect; even if you had came through for us I should have considered what it would do to you emotionally and I didn't. That was my mistake not yours. Working in matters concerning the Cardassians undercover is a dangerous, difficult and painful game. I can't concern myself with how every one under me deals with it, I'll leave that to the counselors, but as a leader I should know when someone is too close their limit and take them out for a while. If I fail at this as I did in your case the responsibility is mine. I've seen people betray everything they believe in, commit suicide, get so bitter and twisted they can't tell the difference between right and wrong. The lucky ones end up in a mental hospital, the unlucky end up dead, but I need my best people on the job; it no good to have a new operative for every mission. The hardest part of this job is knowing how far someone can be pushed without permanently damaging them. I didn't pay enough attention, and I messed up with you. I'm willing to see if I can help get you a commission in Starfleet if you want that. In fact you may do well for your self in command school. You may be surprised to hear this, but Starfleet was ready to put you in command of Deep Space Nine once you returned from you uncover mission with the Marquis." "I don't believe it. Last I saw you, you were ready to have me killed. Why the change of heart?" "Do you think I wanted to? It's not as if you were giving me much of choice. As I said it's a dangerous difficult and painful game. After you defected, I asked myself why; you had always been loyal despite some incidents in your past, why; what was your reason? When I looked at your file in greater detail and spoke to some people what realized was that you had every reason for it." "Who did you speak to?" "Dr. Lenanna, Commander Yeltivits, Dr. Vetins, Counselor Trio, and a few others. The conclusion I came too is that you make a hell of an officer, and I don't think your mind was you own while you were working with the Marquis. Starfleet wants you, and they're willing to accommodate you, as long they know for sure that they have your loyalty. I'm serious about sending you to command school; I think it's where you belong, you're independent, smart, and calm under pressure, you have impressive tactical skills, and you're determined and strong willed. I think that we all may have learned a lesson about your limits. None of us are perfect and after some of the things you've been through I'd have been surprised if you acted any differently; yet you have suspired many with your strength. The only thing you really lack is emotional stability and that you'll gain in time with professional help. I think all you really need to be ready for it is a good counselor." "Download complete." The computer reported. "In a funny way you remind me of a woman I knew when I was much younger. Then I had no choice but to play their game. She was the opposite of you, and probably saved my life as well as my sanity. It was my blessing to know her." "I'm glad someone was there for you." She said, wishing she had that touch, that she could do her job with the kind of compassion that let her feel others pain. She couldn't; she knew she'd go insane if she tried. She had to keep an emotional distance to do her job well, and in the end protect others. For that was what she really wanted; to prevent death and suffering of innocent civilians, even if that meant more suffering by herself or others in Starfleet, like Ro Lauren. A part of her envied and respected those people who had the kind compassion to truly let the pains of others burden their hearts and the courage not to let this debilitate them. Those rare few who had compassion to guide them and courage to follow it, for that and that alone was wisdom in her eyes. She only wished she had the gift. No one was perfect, they all had limits. What it took to achieve wisdom was beyond hers; similar to the way infiltrating the Marquis was beyond Ro's. "Do you honestly think they'll let me in?" "If I pull some stings for you? Who does over half the admissions committee answer to?" "Good point." "On another note, how's Kira? I heard she was hurt? What happened?" "You know she was evacuating Eropa Nova." "The plant where the gateway was dumping theta radiation, yes." "She went through the gateway with Taran'atar to attempt to solve the problem at the source, and they managed to get some type of shielding in place. The runabout didn't return and both of them were critically injured but returned to Deep Space Nine. We found Taran'atar in an escape pod with sever knife wounds and according to the ops crew the Colonel just appeared with severe radiation poisoning and an arthrizen overdose, only seconds away from death. The doctor managed to revive her, but she's still rather ill; he warned her to keep off her feet for a day or so, but she didn't listen." "Will she be OK?" "I'll bet she'll be fine in about a week, sooner if she'll let herself rest. The doctor said he recommended she took about three days off, but I highly doubt she will. So I'm betting on a week." "Ro, I have to go but Jun-Luc wants to talk to you. He told me to ask you to call him." Looking through what had just been transmitted to her she said, "This is some excellent work. How did you get this exactly?" "It's in my report. Tell him I will contact him when I have the time." * * * "Commander Dax, President Silvero is on subspace." "Put her on." Silvoro's face appeared on the view screen. She was an older woman with gray hair and soft face, Dax could tell a deal of wisdom had come to her with age. From what she had heard she had insisted she was the last person to get off the planet. That was both honorable of her, something both rare and valuable in a politician. "President, I am commander Dax, currently in charge of the ops. I can get you commander Vagan if necessary." "No thank you. I would like to speak to Colonel Kira, but first do you have a causality report?" "Yes. One person who tried to administer atherinze to them self overdosed and died, although some of their friends thought they may have been suicidal. There were nearly a million cases of radiation poisoning. It was very wise of you to evacuate the children and those who where for any other reason more sensitive to radiation first, that probably saved hundreds of thousands of lives. For the most part the radiation poisoning was easily treated and everyone is fine now. The worst causality was Kira Nerys." "What? Kira? Was she killed?" "We weren't sure for a while but she's alive. She had severe theta radiation poisoning. It appears she was even exposed to lethal levels of the radiation for a very short time before she stepped thorough a gateway bringing her directly here. She's still extremely ill." "We never meant to drag her into this so she would suffer more than the rest of us. We will never forget the sacrifice she made for us. We are forever in her debt." "You didn't drag her into this, she is obligated to help whomever is need. As station commander here that is her job." "Never the less it was a very noble thing she did." * * * Kira awoke with a start, relived to find herself on Deep Space Nine out of the nightmare she had been pulled into in her sleep. She felt worse than she had before she had gone to sleep; the nightmare had almost completely drained her. She was sick to her stomach, her head hurt but not as sharply as it had before, and she felt nauseous feverish dizzy and weak. "Kira, you're awake?" her doctor asked in a soft voice, she nodded slightly. "How are you doing?" She told him how she felt, then asked, "Did you increase the brightness of the lights while I was out?" "I don't think it's the lights. I'm going to give you some medication that will make you more comfortable, OK?" She nodded again, and he gave her the medication. "Can you tell if I have a fever?" she asked. He pulled out his tricorder to check. "That's odd. I don't know why but you do." Then, picking up a hypospray he said "Here this will make you more comfortable. I need to run a complete bioscan on you to make sure that's not the result of some type of virus that wouldn't have been affected by the anti- pathogen I gave you earlier; maybe you picked something up on the planet." He gave her a hypospray and she immediately felt better, expect that she was still exhausted. "I haven't felt like this since I was thirteen and had the ballakan fever. And the fact that I had never had proper nutrition and none of us had decent medical supplies didn't do any good." "Nerys why isn't that in your medical file?" "I didn't put every time I caught a cold in the file." "That's not a cold. How long were you sick?" "It was at lest three months but I didn't get my strength back for over a year. If it hadn't been for Istani I would have died; Shaker and the others left me with her until I was well enough care for myself again." "It's amazing you survived without proper medical care, from what I know during the occupation ninety-five percent of those who became ill with the Ballakan fever died, fifty before." "It was all Istani, she saved my life. She was so caring and gentle; she always knew exactly what I needed, and she held my hand every step of the way. I wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for her." "The woman who was killed?" "Yes." "I never knew how much she meant to you. Get some rest, you need it to recover." * * * "Gul Macet, I all ready told you that Colonel Kira is ill and can not speak to you now." Commander Vaughn stated. "If you would like to give me a message for her, or if there is any other way I can be of assistance to you." "What I need only she can help me with." "What is it exactly? Considering she is incapacitated and I am second in command of this station I am now in command. I may be of help you." "What I need only she can do for me. And I have a feeling that if you do it with out her permission you won't be second in command for much longer." "Unless you're asking for asylum with the Bajoran Government or something equally ridicules then I don't think it will be that bad." "Commander that is basically what I need. You see some people in my family see me as a disgrace and are willing to use any means necessary to get me killed." "You're quite right then. You need to talk to her." Then he muttered under his breath, "This will be interesting." "Is their any way I could get through to her?" "Not now." "What happened to her anyway?" "Severe theta radiation poisoning." "How bad?" "It's surprising she survived." "What happened to the Jem'Hadar?" "He survived as well." "What a shame." Macet said. Taran'atar happened to be standing at ops during the conversation be he was not willing to let the trader Gul talk about him in such a fashion. "Now I know why your family wants you dead. If I was in you family I'd kill you too." "Taran'atar; Stop it!" Commander Vaughn yelled. "Gul Macet your comment was uncalled for as well. I demand you both apologize at once." For a moment neither reacted; they just stared at each other with hateful loathing wishing there was no view screen between them so they could deal with there anger in the most primitive way possible. "If you two don't apologize I'll have you Macet evicted; and Taran'atar you'll be thrown in the brig." "I regret my unnecessary and impolite comment." Gul Macet said. "Sorry, Commander." Taran'atar muttered. "I don't want you two fighting or arguing again. I don't want you disrupting the smooth running of this station with your personal problems. I don't care about whether or not you like each other; you will act like civilized people." "Yes sir." Taran'atar answered. "Commander," Ro said with urgency in her voice. "There is a Dominion war ship coming through the wormhole." "Damn, I thought they closed their borders." "The Cardassian ship is raising shields and powering weapons." Ro reported. "Do the same here." Vaughn ordered. "End communication with the Cardassian ship and hail the Dominion." "Commander they are hailing us." "On Screen." Odo's face appeared on the view screen in front of a Jem- Hader ship he seemed to be commanding. Dax was the first to speak; she was the highest ranking person on the bridge who knew Odo. "Odo?" "Yes it's me, I have a lot of business on station, but first can I speak to Kira?" The third request for her in the last three hours Vaughan thought, how does she do it? Vaughn answered that "She's not available right now." Taran'atar couldn't believe that this human was treating a living God with the same respect he treated the Cardassian who had betrayed the Dominion. "Is she alright?" Dax answered. "She recovering from sever radiation poisoning. If it's really important I could get her for you." "If she's injured she needs to rest. I won't bother her. May I have permission to beam abroad the station?" "You may." Vaughn answered. Then he turned to Dax, "Do you know something important that I don't know or are you just injecting yourself in a diplomatic conversation between a foreign ambassador and the commanding officer without a good reason? Frankly I'm not convinced it's wise to share news of Kira's condition..." "I know that Kira and Odo are in love, and he wouldn't do anything to hurt her. And he knows that she would have to be in very bad shape to let someone talk her into taking some time off. That's why I explained to him that she was injured and recovering, he would have been worried to death about her if I hadn't." 


	4. Chapter 4

CH4 "Odo?" Kira asked; she couldn't see him clearly because her eyes were still cloudy with sleep. She blinked a few times to clear her vision and looked at him again, he was still their looking at her with sweet worried eyes. She had a bit of a headache so she knew it wasn't a dream for the sensation of pain didn't exist in dreams. He reached out and helped her up into his embrace. "I love you." He whispered in her ear. "I love you too. How the hell did you get here?" She asked him. "In a minuet, first are you alright?" "I've been worse." She answered. "It hurt me so much to be away from you. I heard some rumor that a political scandal on Bajor was brewing with you in the middle of it, that you were attained, is it true?" "Yes. The new head of the Vedek assembly is worse than Winn." "I didn't think that was possible." "Well almost worse." Kira answered. The next thing they heard was Commander Vaughn's voice on the comm system calling yellow alert. Kira hit her com badge, "Kira to Ops, report." Vaughn's voice answered her "Colonel, it's a rather complex situation, if you're well enough to get up here I suggest you do as quickly as possible." "On my way." "Kira is your stomach still bothering you?" Her Doctor asked. "No why?" "Well you haven't eaten in at lest 18 hours, I figured you'd be hungry unless you still feel sick." "I'm fine, I've gone much longer than that without stopping to eat, and I have more important things to worry about." "You're still recovering from radiation poising, you need to take good care of your self." Her doctor said, but it was no use, she had already walked out. * * * As Kira walked into Ops she saw her first Officer, Commander Vaughn talking to a Cardassian captain. The commander seemed mildly frustrated, and the Cardassian talked with an air of superiority that Kira found instantly aggravating. "The Cardassian government did not authorize this, but I already told you they're irrelevant. It's only a puppet government anyway." "Would you gentlemen explain yourselves." Colonel Kira instead. "I won't answer to a Bajoran or a woman." Was the Cardassian's response. Kira glanced at the sensor readings to see where he was in relation to Bajoran space. He was directly on the border. "Fine," she answered, "if you enter Bajoran space I will use whatever force is necessary to protect Bajor's territory. And that's not a order, it's a threat." She said and gave the hand signal to cut communications. "Prepare the Defiant; I have a feeling we may need it. Tell me the second they cross the border. Commander what do you know about these people?" "They want to kill Gul Macet, according to them he disgrace his Cardassian heritage by taking orders from a woman, particularly a Bajoran woman. And that the only way to undo his disgrace to Cardassia is to kill him and anyone he was consorting with." "But that ridiculous, when I was on Cardassia helping with the resistance... they'd have to kill everyone who helped me throw the Dominion off Cardassia." "I know Colonel, and I brought that up, they said it was different circumstances." "So it's only OK if it helps them, and they can rape women of other cultures without any disgrace to their society, but if they take orders from one the penalty is death." Kira said with pure disgust in her voice, fighting the hatred she had of Cardassians when she first came to the station almost eight years ago. She looked at Ro, the other Bajoran woman in Ops; Ro's face was red with anger, which Kira could easily understand; she remembered Ro had given in to that anger and hate. Kira swore to herself that she wouldn't give in to anger, in the name of the Prophets she wouldn't let herself indulge in revenge. "If it's any comfort to you, I don't believe his actions are approved of by the Cardassian Government." "I agree. Shar, get me Garak via subspace." The Colonel ordered. A few minuets later he had been able to get Garak on the main view screen. "Kira, what a pleasure to see you as always." Garak said, his smile sweet and sincere as possible for a Cardassian (from Kira's point of view). Kira on the other hand was all business; "There are a few Cardassians ships here, intent on killing Gul Macet for taking orders from me while helping with the evacuation, I was wondering what you knew of this." "I have a few -- " he said then screen when off, and returned to stars. Kira turned around and saw Ro at the communications console; she obviously had just cut off the transmission. Kira was ready to punish her for blatantly ignoring her authority, when she realized Ro was on the verge of tears, she was sweating, and her skin was a pale greenish color. "Are you well? Should I get a doctor?" Kira asked instead. "I'm fine." Ro answered her voice faint. "Alright, in my office." Kira was going to have Ro wait in the office until she was done talking to Garak, but she didn't feel right leaving her alone in this condition. "Shar tell Garak I have some business to take care of and will be with him in a few moments." Kira said, then took her sister's arm and helped her into the office.  
  
"What's wrong?" Kira asked her voice genuinely sympathetic, something rare for Kira perhaps because she had seen so much suffering in her life the everyday discomforts of her Starfleet comrades never had elicited her sympathy. This was different for something much deeper was going on here. Ro answered her, still not quite in control of herself, "He, he... I was just a child. How could some one do that to a..." Kira knew Garak had worked for the Obsidian Order, and Ro's father had been tortured to death by the Obsidian Order did the two go together? "Ro, did he..." "Nerys, I don't know where to begin. You heard Starfleet version of how my father was killed." She was starting to pull herself together enough to finish a sentence. According to Ro's Starfleet file she'd had psychological difficulties because she was force to watch the Cardassians torture her father to death when she was eight years old. "It's not exactly true. I wasn't forced to watch, I was used as a tool to help them." "What do you mean?" Kira asked "They wanted my father to give them information about the resistance, and Garak used me to help them get it. He tortured both of us for information. He drugged my father, I didn't have the information they wanted, I was just a tool, it was no use to do that to me, I wish they had, maybe then I wouldn't remember it as clearly. He used sand paper to rub the skin off my forehead and didn't stop until after I blead so much I passed out. After the first few hours I played right into their hands by crying, screaming, begging, fainting, my body just wasn't made to handle that. At one point I even asked my father to tell them what they wanted to know, it was the only way they let me speak to him, he told me that it would do no good, they'd kill us anyway. He picked me up in his arms and told me everything would be alright, even though he was crying to the whole time. It wasn't until he raped me that my father started talking." Lauren was still crying; although the physical wounds had healed the emotional ones hadn't. "You were only a child." Kira said, absolutely sickened by the story Ro told, and she had a feeling that was the abridged version including just enough details make Kira understand how badly she had been hurt. Tears ran down Ro's face, she didn't want to remember. Why was she telling Kira any of this? She hadn't told anyone since the woman who saved her life right afterwards, she had said she was forced to watch nothing more; she was too ashamed. She still had nightmares about it twenty-five years later, the pain had barley eased a bit since then; she had just learned to control it and not let it control her. None of her Starfleet counselors knew the whole truth, but for some reason she trusted Kira, and Kira needed to know before she trusted Garak. Kira was Bajoran, she could understand better than Starfleet counselors ever would. I shouldn't have come back here she thought, trying desperately to stop herself from crying. "Come here." Kira whispered. Ro did as she said and Kira put her arms around Ro Lauren who Kira let cry on her shoulder. "It went on for several days after that," Ro Lauren continued, "when they finally let me go after my father was dead I had a gun pointed at my head. I was so sick, I hadn't eaten or gotten more than a few hours of sleep in over a week, and I hated myself for participating in my father's murder." Ro paused trying hard not to gag; recalling this story made her physically ill. Kira understood completely, she felt ill just hearing the story. "A woman who's name I don't know took the gun I had pointed at my head and I fell into her arms crying like a baby. She carried me to the place she lived, and cared for me like the child I was. I was hysterical for days. She fed me, gave me a chance to rest and treated my physical injuries; I never would have survived if it wasn't for her. She was the last person I told the whole truth about what happened to, I was trying to talk her into letting me kill myself. She listened with a calm sympathetic compassion, she wasn't disgusted but she pitied me and she didn't judge; that alone helped ease the pain. I didn't talk her into letting me commit suicide, she talked me out of wanting to do it, and I owe her my life for that." They both stopped talking for a moment. "Now you know; I'm a collaborator. I killed my father." "What makes you say that? Garak killed your father, and severely injured you physically and psychologically in the process. You were a child tortured so someone else would break and give them information, yet you call your self a collaborator. What the hell do you expect of your self? I don't know any adults who can stand up to that type of pressure, and yet you think not being able to do it when you're eight years old makes you a collaborator. I have news for you, you're not a collaborator, you're a mortal." "Are you sure that's not just how you see it?" "I think they want you to think of your self as a collaborator, it's just how they're manipulating you. They know how much that guilt can hurt you and they're using it. I think you need treatment for long-term post-traumatic stress." "For the third time." "Have you ever told any of your counselors the whole truth?" "No. Trio suspected something though." "Maybe they could help you if you told them more." "I don't know." "It won't be easy. It will take courage, and from my understanding that's one thing you have never lacked." "Kira, I'm leaving here." "Lauren stop running. It's not what you think it is." "I hate this place. I hate everything about it. I hate being an outsider because I don't worship as you do. I hate the memories, and I hate the half-ass politics and the cowards who run half of it. I hate what it does to me." "By leaving and not helping us rebuild into a better world you are no better than the cowards you speak of." "I don't care. I can't do this. I never what to think about it again, and I never want to see that face. I'm moving to earth." "Shaker told me that we're cousins. Your mother is my mother's sister. Do you know of Ziyal?" "Dukat's daughter?" Kira nodded. "We thought her mother was Tora Naprem, but after she died I had Doctor Basher run a genetic test, it turned out it was Kira Meru, my mother." "He forced her?" "She was his comfort woman. She let him do it so we could have the food and medicine we needed to survive. Which one of us is a collaborator?" "Kira, why would you imply that about your self everyone knows you're not a..." Ro said and realized Kira was right, neither of them were collaborators. Ro Lauren felt dizzy having that weight lifted from her shoulders, and she surprised herself by laughing. She stepped out of Kira's embrace and said. "I'm so glad I finally got an objective view on my experience. I've been on and off medication for years, but it wasn't until today that I've felt a little less sick inside." "Lauren you are not nearly as alone here as you think you are." "Thank you Nerys." "I'd like you to talk to Ezri, professionally. You've taken a first step here today, and I'll be happy to do whatever I can, but I'm not a trained counselor, and you need more help than I can give you." "I understand." "Ro, I think you have the afternoon off." "You think?" Ro asked. "You have command experience?" "Yes, in the Maquis I commanded a ship for years. Why?" "After that comment about Bajoran women, if that Cardassian ship crosses the border I intend to have a Bajoran woman commanding the ship that kicks their ass. I'd do it myself bu..." Before Kira could finish the sentence Ro answered, "Gladly. I'm in the mood to kick Cardie ass." "But don't go to far." Kira warned. "Don't worry I know the Federation rules." Ro said. "Good." Kira answered, "Dismissed." Ro walk out the door leaving Kira alone in the office. But I still have to talk to Garak, Kira thought, maybe I should just have Commander Vaughan do it. Sisko wouldn't have done that to you, when you had Vaughn's job. She thought to herself. It's your job, no matter how much you don't want it right now. She took a deep breath, and tapped her com badge "Kira to Shar, put me through to Garak in my office." "Yes, Colonel."  
  
A few moments later Garak's face appeared on the view screen. "Hello Nerys. I'd though you never call back. What happened?" "My new security chief Ro Lauren wasn't exactly pleased to see you again, she cut the transmission." "She lived?!?! I don't blame her for cutting the transmission, but it took you that long to get it back?" "I don't blame her either. We had to talk." "She told you what happened?" "Yes." "I don't know what to say. I'm sorry doesn't begin to cover it. Maybe you should have joined the Maquis, they where right, all Cardassians are evil." "Just shut-up. I just found out that a friend or x-friend of mine tortured and nearly killed my cousin. The last thing I need is you sucking up." "She's your cousin?" Kira nodded. "Holy hell." Garak muttered. "Kira are you alright? You look a little pale." "I had an accident evacuating Eroupa Nova, not that it's your concern. We have business to discuss. What were you about to say when the transmission was cut?" "I was saying that they are dissidents who think Cardassia has disgraced its self by losing its empire. So they go around finding other off-world collaborators and attacking them. They hate our government, but keep their distance. They're cowards. And no, you won't create a huge diplomatic dispute by blowing them to hell." "Thank you for the background information. I have to go." "Nerys, I think we need to talk." "From now on call me Colonial Kira. I don't want to have any contact with you regarding anything beyond our necessary professional interactions. Good bye." "Now you know why I never talked about my past. I knew when you heard about it you'd be too appalled to look at my face." Garak said. "You were right. I have to go." "It wasn't until after I started helping here that I realized why you had hated me and my people so much. In a way you're lucky, Nery... Kira, you and your people have been in the right as long as you can remember. You don't know what it's like to be deathly and horribly wrong, for your culture to make a mistake so grave it will take generations to undo. Generations of being estranged from the healthy cultures because of atrocities committed by your self and your people. You have every reason to hate us, and we have every reason to hate and pity ourselves. You don't know what it's like trying to explain to a child who wasn't part of any of this the looks on most people's faces when they see us." Poison "What are you asking me for? Forgiveness? How can forgive all the friends of mine you killed and what you did Ro Lauren? You asking for compassion?" She said giggling. "I have some compassion for the civilians on Cardassia who were massacred by the Dominion, but none for a Cardie who feels guilty because of what they did to Bajor." "I'm not asking for any of that. I'm asking for mercy and to be judged as an individual, not as a race." "That wouldn't help you much thought would it? Based on the story Ro told me, you committed a good deal of atrocities during the occupation." "Maybe I have, and I'd do anything to make that up to you and your people. I only wish time it's self was as flexible as good and bad." "Flexible?" "No organization can be completely good or evil, I heard about and interesting scandal within the federation. They found a planet that somehow gave it's inhabits everlasting youth. They would have forcibly removed the naiveties of the planet in order to use it for there own proposes had it not been for Captain Picard and his crew, who started a small resistance movement to stop them. And I have heard stories of the Borg's cooperation with decent people. In the multiple universe you are evil. My point is you must judge individuals, not by their capacity for good or evil, but for what they have done and sometimes their ability to hurt others, not the crimes of their ancestry or their race." "Garak, I'm not talking about the crimes of your race. I talking about what you did to my cousin." "Colonel, that is something I deeply regret. In fact the first few years I was on the station when I started seeing non-Cardassians as people, I simply couldn't deal with the guilt that went along with my past. Don't think that I'm trying to say I have it worse than you, you who are still putting your world back together after the pure brutality of the occupation. I don't know..." "'Your fates are intertwined, what you do to each other you do to your selves.'" "Kira?" Garak asked, from her tone of voice he could tell they were not her words, at least not hers alone. "I had vision, the prophets told me that." "It is true wisdom. If only Cardassia had known that before we... Look at us, could it possibly have more true?" "I am willing to do what I can to help Cardassia, but if I ever see you using our good will as a way to take advantage of us, I promise I will make you sorry." "I understand." "Garak I have a lot of business to attend to, I have to go." "I understand." He said and cut the link. 


End file.
